Guide to navigating end-of-life planning with an elderly parent

By planning in advance for the legal end-of-life procedures associated with an elderly parent’s death, you can help prevent your to-do list from becoming overwhelming when their final moments come. That way, you’ll be able to turn your attention to the mourning process and give yourself room to grieve.

This article will walk you though key steps that you can take with your parent now, so that you and your family will be prepared to handle any necessary arrangements without being caught off-guard.

Step 1: Talk with your parent about their last wishes

You’ll likely want to have multiple conversations with your parents on how they envision their final wishes being carried out, broaching a wide range of topics that cover everything from their medical desires to their religious or spiritual perspective to their funeral wishes and the legacy they want to leave behind.

For example, talking to them in detail about their desired funeral arrangements can alleviate the pressure of making hard decisions during the grieving process.

Another important aspect to cover in your conversations is your parent’s wishes for who should be the executor of their estate, or the responsible party carrying out the final instructions that they leave in their will. This could be a relative, a close friend, or even an attorney.

Your role in managing end-of-life legal processes for your parent can range from nonexistent to incredibly time-consuming. It will likely depend on a number of factors, from the strength of your relationship with your parent to what other living relatives they have. If they ask you to be their executor — the legal designated point of contact to carry out their end-of-life wishes — think carefully before agreeing to take on the role — as it will confer a great deal of accountability and responsibility onto you.

Step 2: Make an estate plan

Even if your parent is choosing you or another relative as their executor, you may also want to help them find and begin working with an estate planner. An estate planner is an experienced professional who can help advise you and your parent on all of the necessary steps to getting their affairs in order in advance.

While a professional estate planner is fully optional, there are many complexities involved in handling someone’s estate that can get complicated quickly. These could include transferring assets to a surviving spouse and/or dependents; paying creditors; managing the probate process, managing trusts, paying taxes, and so on.

An estate planner can also coach your parent on and/or help them create legal documents that may help make the end-of-life process go more smoothly, such as a trust, a durable power of attorney, healthcare directives, beneficiary designations, and a will. They may also be able to advise on legal or tax-related affairs, and how your parent can set up their estate in order to minimize potential concerns in these areas and even minimize tax liability.

Overall, working with a professional can help you prioritize what to do first and also help you avoid making mistakes that could cost more in taxes, fees or time in probate than hiring help. Be sure to choose someone who makes you feel comfortable and is willing to answer your questions.

Step 3: Start gathering documents and information

You don’t need to wait until your parent’s death to start gathering documents that can help you understand their accounts and unsettled obligations, so that you can be ready to help close out their affairs when the time comes.

While there will be additional documents to collect and organize after a parent’s death — such as a death certificate — having all currently available documents on file can speed up and simplify the process.

Additionally, the document gathering process in itself can be helpful, as collecting them might spur conversations about accounts (such as insurance policies or credit cards) that you didn’t even know your parent had.

Storing documents in a centralized location like a portfolio or binder along with your own to-do lists and records of conversations will be helpful as you move through the process.

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Important documents

Here is a list of documents you should consider having on hand to provide to your parent’s executor and estate planner, attorney and/or tax advisor after your parent’s death.

• Your parent’s ID
• A will, if available
• A comprehensive list of their assets and liabilities, including:
• Life insurance policies
• Liens on property, wages
• Pensions/retirement benefits
• Interests in closely held entities
• Loans
• Significant and/or recurring charitable donations
• Credit cards
• Bank accounts
• House(s)
• Other significant assets like furniture, art, antiques and collectibles, vehicles, RVs, boats, etc.
• A list of beneficiaries. This list should also note if there are any specific assets that were designated as transferable on death. This could include pension or retirement savings/benefits or specific assets like a vehicle or work of art. A well-constructed will or trust should include a breakdown of this, but in lieu of a will, the family member tasked with settling the estate will need to provide this list.
• Most recent tax return
• Some states set time limits for how long you have to settle an estate or file certain documents after a parent dies. Starting as soon as possible can help you ensure that you won’t miss any deadlines.

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Step 4: Know which beneficiaries or institutions you’ll have to notify after your parent’s death, and how to reach them

If you’ll be the executor, it can be helpful to know which beneficiaries you’ll need to notify that they may receive something from your parent. You can also talk with your parent’s estate planner to understand how to notify each beneficiary, so you can ensure that they have the opportunity to accept what’s been left to them without also taking on a surprise tax bill or costs.

It’s also important to understand the notification process to government agencies, credit bureaus and the places where your parent had their financial accounts. State attorneys general have warned that bad actors read obituaries to gather personal details and open accounts with them. This form of identity theft is becoming more common and can create a big headache when you are trying to settle an estate.

Knowing who these beneficiaries and relevant institutions are in advance will help you make sure that you have accurate contact information and will be able to easily reach them when the time comes.

Remember: Get help where you can!

The impending death of a parent can feel daunting. Relying on a support network that includes family, friends, and professionals can make processing it all easier. The key is to stay organized and find the right people to help you make it through.

If you take a moment to get an expert team together to help you get organized, you’ll have more time to spend with your support network and can leave much of the administrative hassle to the professionals.

Take things one step at a time, and remember to ask for help when you need it.

Notifications

Parties that may need to be notified upon death by the executor include:

• The Social Security Administration
• The Department of Veterans Affairs (only if they were a veteran)
• The Department of State (only if they have a passport)
• Department of Motor Vehicles
• U.S. Postal Service
• Credit, financial, and insurance companies
• Retirement account record-keepers/financial advisors
• Experian, Equifax, and TransUnion
• Creditors
• Utility companies
• Subscription providers

With safeguards in place to prevent fraud, almost every party you contact will require an original death certificate in addition to your power of attorney document and/or your letter as an executor plus your identification. They may also require additional account-related information such as account numbers and personal information of the deceased.